when i heard this album i told caroline it sounded like future past elf music and she said it would be cleverer to just say ‘future pastoral’
which i think is the name of the genre where elves make electronic music
To the people who love us- the people with body image issues.
We want to tell you this is not about you.
Its never been about you and it will never truly will be. Remember that.
Remember that when we ask you if you think I’ve gained weight or we tell you that something you said made me feel insecure.
Remember that this subject is always more than one moment- one incident- but lifelong battles. We are fighting a war.
Forget any ideas you have of beauty-outer, inner, physical, emotional, mental and just look.
This moment- so trivial- is you looking at a broken spirit .
Every time we have to ask you how we look we’ve lost a battle. We have to lose a battle with ourselves first before it ever even gets to you.
I have a hard enough time even just saying the words for fear you’ll begin to see me the way I see myself.
We ask you when we realize we’re being too cruel to ourselves. When all we can give ourselves is negativity. We dont need it from you.
You know that- thats obvious.
But even just a hint that we could be better is another battle lost. (Yes-“We can go to the gym together” means I could be better.)
We’re broken, we’re bloody, bruised and worn out from years of peoples good intentions and societal ideals. Don’t tell me to walk it off.
We’re looking for a medic.
Medicine for me is touch. Touch me because your words are only a balm. Touch me to do surgery on my fucked up sense of self.
Look at me- really look at me. Look at all my “flaws” and see them as wounds. Each one of them are scars to us- a glance and the self hatred rushes back to our brain space.
Don’t poke my open sore
You can call me beautiful. But don’t get upset if I dont believe it. What I do know is that its my advil. Its my painkiller. It may not cure the disease but it can definitely help the pain.
Take all you know about beauty and throw it away and hear this.
Our beauty is our spirit. We put our broken spirit in your hands. All we ask is that you remember this is deeper than skin and fat and hair and bone-but about our sense of self.
Look at me and tell me I am composed of every beautiful thing on this earth.
Because I am. Because we all are.
All we ask is that you don’t forget.
oh chandy, this is beautiful and real. thank you.